it’s such a beautiful morning. i wish i had Ava sleeping in my bed so i could wake her up to share it with me.

what do you do when your heart feels heavy & you don’t wanna carry it anymore? or when you suddenly aren’t afraid of death anymore? when you’re just so numb to this shit your mind tricks you into believing you deserved it…is that why people pretend they’re “going on” with their lives, but secretly dying on the inside?

i used to think suicide was cowardly, a permanent solution to a temporary problem, unnecessary. but i’m back to that dark place. either wishing i was asleep only to wake up from a 5 year nightmare…or not wake up at all.

i’m just saying, if destiny re-wrote itself, i wouldn’t fight it.

what happens when you’ve literally been going downhill at an immensely slow agonizing pace, and out of no where life gives you a reason to try going uphill but fate decides to snatch it all away pulling you back down in one swift motion. and now you’re back on the path to destruction, one false move and it’s all over…one false move & now it IS over…you’re just stuck in the ruins and suffocating because the disaster is thickening the air, drowning in your own tears. what are you supposed to do? act like you’re better than that, put on your “strong face”, keep going because it’ll only make you stronger and all that other generic bullshit ppl try to advise you?